Pizza burns

I've been eating bad again. Well...that's not entirely accurate. I've never really stopped eating bad. I kind of do it a lot. I guess I should probably say something like, "I've resumed eating bad after taking a short three day sabbatical in which I consumed various creatures of the sea excluding shellfish (fat and cholesterol content), Odwalla Superfood, and multiple products containing soy."

I simply enjoy the taste of saturated trans fats. I'm not going to lie. I imagine they taste delicious all by themselves. In fact, if America hadn't gone health crazy like they have in the past few years, I bet McDonald's would be selling succulent little deep fried trans fat cubes to go along with your Big Mac and Diet Coke. I'd have bought an order probably. After all, I tried the McGriddle. It's the same thing. I'm making changes though. I'm gonna start eating salad or something. Soon.

So today I got up and had some cereal for breakfast and then a turkey sandwich for lunch. I also took some vitamins and a baby aspirin. Pass. Then I went out with my friend Brad and we smoked cigars and drank beer. Fail. I came home from the cigar shop and ate an entire frozen pizza all by myself. Fail. I ate a ginger snap covered in frosting. Fail. I had one piece of dark chocolate. Ten years ago that's a fail but I guess it's good for you now. Pass (only to make me feel better).

Ok, so here's where I'm upset with myself and the world. Pizza is a starving man's food. It needs to be quickly devoured upon arrival.....whether it came from Pizza Hut or your oven. Problem is, that's simply not possible. The roof of my mouth is proof. I'm like that rat who just can't learn the right way out of the maze no matter how many times I get zapped. I just want to tell myself, listen, as certain as the Raiders have had, are having, and will have a losing season next season, PIZZA WILL BURN YOUR MOUTH STUPID! Get prepared. Do something about it. We should start a foundation or something and get celebs to tax write off donate to us. Well maybe not so much but it was an ambitious thought. I think I'm going to just let my pizza hang out in the freezer for a spell until it calms it's evil self down and becomes edible without destroying my mouth in the process.

Seriously though, somebody needs to draw up some legislation against over hottified pizzas. Give it to the democrats. They'll busy themselves with this. We'll have a law next week and by the way your income tax just went up 10%. Have a nice day. Change is coming!!! Yippeee!!!

Profound thought of the day: Pizza hot. Hurts. Don't do it.

I'd probably write more but I took a 10mg Ambien and I'm starting to feel strange. Time for bed.